overcoming self-doubt

I was a bit emotional yesterday. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, maybe it was because my kids are STILL fighting a cough/runny nose/no sleep kind of sickness (and I feel I've tried everything to help them), or maybe it was signs of spring getting so close yet still so far away. I went from being elated with joy because I FINALLY ran over 20 MILES on Saturday!! I remember really doubting that I could ever actually run that far and wondering what in the world I was thinking when I signed up for the Boston Marathon. So when I actually ran between 21-22 miles along the course (Newton hills and all), non-stop (didn't even need to stop for a potty break!!), I felt so overcome will pain JOY and a feeling that I proved to myself that I'm capable of more than I give myself credit for.

That said, I've felt like I've slacked on my job as a mommy/wife. There are days when I feel like super woman and can do it all and then there are days when I feel so selfish for training all the hours that I have, for not being as strict with Andrew's diet as I should,  not getting a meal prepared so having sandwiches and fruit for dinner, for not being a good wife. I taught Sunday school yesterday and felt so energized, positive, and like I was making a difference in those 8-9 year-olds lives. Then I got my feelings hurt over a small comment about "needing to do some spring cleaning before my marathon" (because REALLY- shouldn't  that be the FIRST thing on my mind in the next 3 weeks: cleaning the house every weekend??!!!). I've always been super hard on myself and kinda wear my feeling on my sleeves so to speak. So now with getting no sleep, very sore, exhausted, very nervous about an upcoming life accomplishment that I still doubt I will actually be able to do- well, my emotions are kind of all over the place. I went into this knowing it was a selfish thing and that it would take time. That I would need to ask my husband for his help and that I would have to put some responsibility on the back burner (even though I did actually get a job during this whole ordeal….that's a whole other story!!) But sometimes I let the smallest things/comments unleash all the self doubt I try so hard to fight.

I truly think life is about reflecting on our mishaps, our accomplishments, and our relationships (spiritually and earthly), and trying to find the happy medium between creating our own "self-worth" while building the self-worth of others around us. That's actually my strength (always has been)- being in touch with my emotions and even those of the people around me. So it's been a HUGE challenge being so far from our close family and friends and building those meaningful relationships here in this stage of our lives. I thrive on positive reinforcement which is why I usually turn to Facebook
(and may have a bit of an addiction…first step is admitting!) We have made some of the best friendships throughout our life's journey and have so much support from family, and I couldn't accomplish anything without those relationships. I try to instill the best qualities in my babies (and TRY SO HARD not to show them my weaknesses), but let's face it- we are all human and we all have our moments of being weak and we need those around us to lift us up ( and spiritually NEED God to lift us up). That's what running has done for me. And I hope my emotional roller coaster from this journey helps someone else understand- we can truly do ANYTHING if we put our minds/hearts in to it and trust that the Lord is there to help us when we fall. So those are my deep words for the day. God bless.

Out of our element

There were 2 different occasions last Sunday where I felt a bit "out of my element" AKA out of place. We really wanted some good Chinese food after church this past Sunday. We had seen a place close to our house and decided to check it out. There were a lot of cars outside so we figured that was a good sign. Have you ever heard of Dim Sum? Defined- Originally a Cantonese custom, dim sum is inextricably linked to the Chinese tradition of "yum cha" or drinking tea. Well, I had never heard of it until last year when Todd joined some MIT friends for "Dim Sum" in China town (Todd likes to think of himself as an "expert" after experiencing something once) ;-) HA! Well, he had a great experience that time considering he had people with him that actually knew what they were doing.

*This is the image that popped up when I googled "dim Sum" 

I just want to say- I'm NOT in anyway trying to bash this traditional brunch by any means. I'm just trying to humor anyone that may have experienced this "Out of your element" sense when it comes to food….so with that said- Dim Sum was on the menu for lunch when we showed up at this Chinese restaurant. Definitely not your "Americanized" sweet and sour chicken, miso soup, or egg rolls. I figured I'm pretty open- minded and remembered Todd talking about how great the soup and dumplings were last time, so thought we should give it a try (I'm about 98% sure we were the entertainment of that restaurant's day..) First thing I asked for- "Rice?? Do you have rice??" She repeats back something in another language and puts a steamer basket (just like pictured above) with something wrapped in sea weed. I say "Ok thank you." And start opening it to find a ball of rice filled with a meat of some sort and "little sausages" (??) Hmm…I put some soy sauce on it and started serving it to the kids when Andrew responds with- "No mommy!! That will make you sick!!" O…M….G!!!!!!! Don't kids just say the darndest things?? Next week's lesson on the agenda-TACT. Gotta work on that…

Andrew's got the "suffer through girly stuff" thing down ;) (getting his "hair dried") 

So, They came around with a cart full of dumplings and some other things (??) and I said, "Oh dumplings!" which she responds in a different language and points until she gets to the thing I like (or liked the way it looked). As I said- Todd talked about how great the dumplings were, so I figured we could give them a shot. Gooey texture, some kind of fishy fishy fishy flavor in the middle (I don't like fish by the way…), so it was a no go for me. So, next person comes around with a cart full of fried foods that looked absolutely delish, and I get very excited. I point at some little rolls and they turned out to have shrimp in them and were pretty yummy (again-I'm really not a fan of sea food, so was looking for something with chicken). I ask her- "do you have something with chicken?" and she points to another cart of food coming around. I ask that lady for some chicken, she points at a bowl of what looks a lot like sesame chicken (my favorite!) and I say, "Yes!" Here is what I got- I didn't think twice about it until Todd said, "Do you know what you just ordered??" I said- "Yea. Chicken……"

"Yea-chicken FEET!" Seriously….no way! Yep- definitely chicken feet. Considering I had just watched Food Inc 2 days prior to this experience (they show you the reality of how poorly chickens are treated when being raised in bulk), I just couldn't stomach the thought of eating Chicken feet (again NO OFFENSE to anyone that enjoys eating them…I'm just not as adventurous as I  thought when it comes to foreign food). I was done ordering after that. About 2 minutes later, a nice lady brought me over a plate of something fried. In hindsight I think it was calamari which would have been yummy…but after the chicken feet…I just couldn't trust my judgment, so I politely declined. I think it was pretty cute how they saw my reaction to the "fried food cart" and tried to please me. :) Next came a cauldron of what we thought was soup (there were spoons there and everything), Todd asks for some and it turned out to be chunky tofu with some sugary liquid to put on top. I actually liked this (even though it was more of a dessert), but Todd's face was priceless. :) Definitely NOT what the "Experienced Dim Sum" patron was expecting. hehehe! Todd gave some to Andrew- in which he promptly spit it out exclaiming "EWWW!! That's yucky," in which was our cue to get out of there as soon as possible. As we were walking out, we got some smiles (they really were very friendly), and scanned the tables to find that we really just had no idea what we were doing. The food being served was not all bad…we were just very out of our element. :)

So Sunday was also my "long run" day, and I actually didn't feel hungry after lunch (maybe it was the tofu?). I went and practiced on Heartbreak Hill for 10 miles and again- a bit out of my element. There were quite a few very experienced (FASSSTTT) runners out  there that were just killing it. It was hard for me. I've been practicing on hills but this hill is long and has a very steady climb. And from what I've heard- after all the down hill, this is going to burn pretty bad. So, I got in 10 hard miles on that hill and called it a day. My tummy was rumbling around mile 7 (and I almost stopped), but I wanted to get in a good double digit that day. My phone died the last mile so I didn't have anymore tunes to keep me motivated so I mostly blame that on stopping at 10. ;-)  The kids have been sick this week, so I couldn't go to the gym on Wednesday or Thursday. Luckily, Todd got home early last night so I got in 9 miles around Woburn.  Thank goodness for my hubs helping out. I love running in the spring and can feel that it's just around the corner. :) YAY!!!

Wednesday was one of the last meetings with my Ragnar Relay team, and I am getting really excited about that!! I am almost ready for the marathon to be over so I can focus on the fun that will bring. :) Our team name is "All that and a VAN of chicks" and these women are seriously the most creative people I've ever met. They are making feathered tutus to wear and may even have  connections to get a hummer limo that we could have at each exchange (along with a red carpet!!). I love it and am so excited. :) Tomorrow is my 20 mile run (!!!), and a lot of people are going out  to practice on the course. I guess I'm going to be one of those people so wish me luck. This will be a sure determinate of whether I'm ready for 26.2 come April 21st. Oh and here is my runner's passport!!! Look out for 28441 to be smokin' even the elites out there!! HA! ;-) Have a great weekend!!

A few of my favs-running edition

I finished my half marathon this past Sunday and it actually felt great! I finished in a little under 2 hours (according to my phone), even with all the hills! It was just what I needed to boost my confidence for the upcoming marathon (a month from tomorrow!)

Don't let this picture fool you- it was so stinkin cold that day!!! (20's) My nose is now chapped

I've been introduced to some new "runners' gear" throughout my training. I'm not a big fan of "advertising" certain preferred products, but figured this was more for giving my advice on what's worked for me during this crazy training I've been enduring. At my last meeting for the Ragnar Relay, a lot of the ladies were talking about foam rollers and shot blocks. I had to look further into these 2 "runners' tricks," so have been taking the shot blocks (they are basically the energy gels runners/bikers take to boost their electrolytes and stamina during races but in a gummy form). They are really great tasting and seem to work! I will say- I've taken the GU brand gels and chews and actually think they work a little better (they seems to boost my energy quite a bit more), but don't taste quite as good. The day of the half, I ate a little bag of GU chews and took 1 gel pack about half-way through and it was just the amount of energy I needed to finish strong.

I also invested in a runner's belt although I'm considering returning it for one with 2 water bottles. I didn't think I would need the water bottles, but I wanted more water than what was available during my half.  I'm still worried they will slosh around and be uncomfortable weight-wise while I'm running, but I saw quite a few people with them and they don't seem too bad. My new belt was also a bit too big (it kinda bounced while I ran), so I may need to look into a smaller one. I did LOVE putting my phone in the pouch and then having room for my gel packs during the run. It was more comfortable than my arm band (even though it doesn't usually bother me too much). I can't use the camel bak during the Boston Marathon, so I thought having the water bottles might be a good plan for 26 miles (even though I'm sure they are plenty prepared with water and gatorade stops).

As far as the foam roller- I decided not to buy one (even though I'm still looking into the tiger tails hand held one), but I've been using the one at my gym and LOVE it!! It was such a life-saver today. I've been having some tightness in my right quad and it seems to be affecting my knee. Well today I used the foam roller to roll out some tightness and WOW-it helped tremendously!! I think I may just need the hand-held one (especially to have for the Ragnar Relay). My next purchase for my runners' gear. :)

I also googled the best socks for runners and found Thorlo Experia mini-crew socks and WOW! They rock! They are quite pricey, but are so supportive and have been keeping my feet dry and cushioned! I guess they are my "magic socks" that go right with my "magic shoes" ;-)

Todd is out of the country right now, so it's just me and the kids for a week. We are managing but the days seems to go on forever without him here. I had the ultimate disgusting experience today AND yesterday (both involving my son and poop….). I don't even want to get into that right now, but I will say I seriously hope that tops the list of "Most disgusting mommy experiences" because yea…it was that bad. :( Even after the food poisoning…this was way worse…EEK!

I was re-reading some of my old blogs the other day and found the "Size 4 diapers" one to be quite pathetic intriguing. ;-) Abby has actually been wearing that exact size for over a year-no kidding. I don't think that little miss will ever fit into size 5's (crossing my fingers on being done with diapers soon….), so I find it SO ironic that I had such a weird obsession over that size with Andrew. Kinda funny. :) She really is so petite that I get a little worried when the doctor says, "10th percentile for weight and 25th for height" and I expect it to be followed with- "Are you feeding this poor girl???" HA! :) But they don't seem the least bit concerned and usually respond to my worried look with- "She is small like her mommy," which is kinda nice to hear. :) Because seriously people- that girl eats all.day.LONG! That's basically what she does (and she ALWAYS has food ALL over her face…even right after I wipe her down, somehow she is still covered in food when we pick Andrew up from school every day!) Fun times. :) I just took a quiz that claims I will be having 3 children. We will see how that pans out. :) Gotta get the 2nd one potty trained before there will be talk of any others! :)

she usually cuddles with daddy in the morning but has settled for mommy cuddle time :) 

She does this anytime she gets tired :) 

      I look angry- lol-Watching Frozen 

            Up to no good probably ;) 

Abby's 1st birthday party (Texas)

**I saved this post last year and just found it. I guess it's better a year later than never. :) We went back to Texas last March to put our house up for sale and to see my grandmother in the nursing home.  we decided to throw Abby a 2nd birthday celebration while we were there. What a great time we had and oh how I miss our Arlington house and all our friends/family :(

My baby girl was quite the little hostess at her 1st birthday party. She waved hello/bye bye to the guests, flirted, gave quite the show with her HUGE smash cake, and even gave a few little kisses (she learned how to blow kisses on the plane ride to Texas: from a complete stranger that was her new best friend by the end of the 4 hour plane ride). :) She is such a social butterfly and LOVES attention. Completely the opposite of Andrew who would rather do his own thing than not talk to anyone (I guess that's a boy/girl thing). :) So, here are some of my favorites from her party/photo shoot. We are blessed.

Alex

With my aunt Starlynn

Andrew's nanny Maria (for 2 years) and Juslin 

Jordyn and Andrew playing some pool :)

My sister, Abby, and me 

Isable, Jake, Leslie, Alex, and Andrew

Jake, Leslie and Alex (they now have a little girl!) 

SCORE! :) 

My little Casanova :) hehe

I loved the way her monthly pictures turned out :) 

Her 2nd outfit :) 

Her first birthday was very special, and I am so glad we captured so many precious moments that day. We miss our Texas peeps!! 

fun times fun times

We've has some fun and then we've had some rough times this past week. We celebrated Abby's 2nd birthday with lots of balloons, cupcakes, presents, and then dinner at Cheesecake factory (she even picked out her slice of cheesecake and then they sang her Happy Birthday!).  I blew up some balloons and put them in her room for her to find that morning. When she came to our room around 5 (typical around here), she was telling Todd all about the balloons in her room, and then showed them to me when we got up for breakfast. :) On Friday, we went to the coolest indoor playground with some friends from Andrew's school.  I need to figure out how to get videos on here because I got the cutest videos of them that day.

                  At Cupcake City 

 I got in a good 17 1/2 mile run on Saturday (woohoo!), so I'm feeling a lot more confident about the marathon. I ran with a new friend of mine that's also running with me in the Ragnar Relay. We just found out we will both be running the same legs (we have 2 different teams and chose to run the same legs), so will get to run together the whole time!! YAY! She is one of the nicest, funniest, most bubbly people I have ever met and keeps that demeanor pretty constant even while raising 4 kids.  Just to give you an idea of how funny she is- she was a "Boston Marathon Bandit" one year (I think it was 2010 or 2011), and ran the ENTIRE thing without a number and then when offered a medal at the very end simply told them, "No thanks." HA! Awesome. We will be running the most mileage during the relay (over 21 miles), but I'm happy I can endure that mileage with such a fantastic lady!

 That said, we all came down with food poisoning on Sunday. :( And let me just say- I would NEVER wish that on my worst enemy. It. was. AWFUL. My friend Kelley came to visit us again that day and we stopped at Chipotle for some lunch after picking her up from the train station.  It was just me and Andrew (Todd was home with Abby), and Kelley never ate any of Andrew's chicken. Todd ate the leftovers I brought home that night for dinner (a long with Andrew's chicken), and it started with Todd.  He got really sick right before bed, so I gave him some Benadryl to help with the nausea, and I think that really helped.  Not even an hour later, it hit me and then about 2 hours later, Andrew crawled into my bed and then, well….it was graphic. Andrew and I were sick all night long. At one point, I even fell asleep on the bathroom floor, woke up hearing him getting sick (we went through 4 sets of sheets that night and finally just laid towels all over the bed….), and then Andrew fell asleep in the bathroom floor. :( TERRIBLE! Thankfully, neither Kelley or Abby ever had it which makes me 100% sure it was food poisoning (from Andrew's chicken), because a stomach bug is sure to hit everyone in the house. I've been meaning to call them so they are aware of it and to find out if anyone else complained of being so sick. It took us 2 days to fully recover, and I don't think I will be able to stomach Chipotle for a while (so sad because it's one of my favorite places to eat!) My poor Andrew has not been to school at all this week and it's Thursday (no school today because of an early release day). He slept more than I've seen him sleep in a long time, but he's thankfully better now.

I dubbed Tuesday "randomly pass out in the middle of the floor day" :) 

     relaxing with Kelley after being sick 


On Wednesday, we went to the Boston Children's Museum which is basically 3 floors of non-stop entertainment for kids (and adults) :) The kids loved it and it was fun to have Kelley there with us. Plus, Andrew LOVED riding the "purple train, and then we get on the red train, and then we get on the orange train!" there and back. :) Even though we were sick on Sunday (and still not fully recovered until Tuesday..), we had a lot of fun while Kelley was visiting! 

I have a half marathon tomorrow morning and am pretty nervous about it. It's supposed to be pretty hilly (it's a "Marathon Prep" race that's supposed to help you get an idea of what the marathon will be like…even though it's "Only" half a marathon). I pray that it helps me feel confident in my training rather than make me feel like I have a lot more work to go in the next 5 weeks!! It's also a good "dress rehearsal" to see what gels and energy chews I like better throughout an actual race, how my shoes/socks/new runner's belt feel that day, and to see how I'm feeling about  water breaks throughout the race. I recently read the best advice- try taking at least a 1-2 minute break every 45 minutes and you will fell better throughout the run. I don't usually break that often, but I do find that a small break here and there really gives me some extra momentum to push myself further. Wish me luck! Oh, and I just chopped all my hair off and love it! It was just getting too long and stringy and feels great to get rid of all that extra weight. I hope it doesn't throw my running off! ;-) ha! Have a good weekend!

       I cut off over 6 inches of hair!!