Seeking Positivity

This year, I have become my worst nightmare. And I just want to start off by saying, it is not AT ALL because of my baby boy. I hate when people keep telling me, "You just had a baby, things are different" because I know that is a big factor in all the chaos that this year has brought into my life....but it goes so much deeper than that. And to be completely honest....Andrew is my angel that finally made me realize that things have got to change.

I have always thought that my biggest strength was lifting people up with kind words and being there for them in time of need. I am not the "brightest crayon in the box" so to speak, and I am in the least bit a "funny person".  I am definitely not the first name that comes to mind when people are looking for a good time, and I have zero creativity. I am a "wooer" who enjoys seeing people light up with compliments and someone that people come to for guidance and reassurance. At least, I used to be.

I get so mad at my students when they rebel and don't want to do their homework/classwork or choose to draw all over their papers rather than listen to me/complete assignments. I become so frustrated when they won't look me in the eye when I'm trying to get on to them while asking, "Why aren't you working? Why aren't you listening?"  I actually caught MYSELF doing this same thing pretty frequently this year. Not looking people in the eye because I was so disappointed, exhausted, negative that I chose to just look away. Saying only negative things because I was so insecure with myself. I really can't blame my students at times when they really don't "feel like" doing their work because to be quite honest: that has been my year in a nutshell. I want to try and have always had  the work ethic to get things accomplished. I like doing a good job and seeing the results through my students. But man, this year has brought my confidence down to the ground.

I have decided to try my hardest to stop sweating the small stuff. I need to bring back only positive energy into my life. I need to pray for strength and optimism and the ability to lift others up rather than pull them down. I have had such wonderful friends reach out to me with advice and books to read in order to figure it all out. Currently on my list to read: 5 Love Languages, The Purpose Driven Life, and Bittersweet by Shauna  Niequist. I am blessed...this I definitely know. I just need to learn to tame the negative thoughts and pay it forward by bringing light to the the lives of those around me. Especially my wonderful baby boy and amazing husband.

My Cutie Pie

He will be 1 in less than a month!

That's his flirty face

That's his "granny face" :)