The Many Roles I Play

**Pitty-Party Alert** ;-)

Something I was pondering about as I drove home from work today was all the "roles" I now try to take on in my life. I have to admit...I had it pretty easy the past 2 weeks with school being cancelled and me being off for 6 of the last 10 work days. On the other hand, being at home in my pjs, spending the day playing with my 9 month old  made it that much harder to get back into the groove of things and get my "teacher face" back on. This week was hard....really hard. TAKS tests are around the corner and my students are no where near where they should be in the school year. Trust me. It's scary. I can't quite decide if it's just my group of kids this year (I do have 8 that were retained at some point in their school career), or if it's because I have a new, extremely important job: raising my son. 

A friend of mine at work once told me I had to decide which job I wanted to do ok at and which job I wanted to be the BEST at: a mommy/wife OR a teacher. I thought she was crazy. Of course I would choose mommy-hood and being a good wife to Todd. Well, as time progressed and my students' needs seemed like they weren't being met, work became something that flooded my thoughts, my time, my sanity. I didn't mean for it to happen, but work kind of started controlling me. So, I backed up and decided I wouldn't bring work home and would only accomplish what I could between 8-5. Well....you know where that got me....I beat myself up when I saw a kid struggling in writing, not knowing what a root-word was (or the difference btwn consonants and vowels for that matter...and yes, I teach THIRD grade), not knowing that Texas is the STATE we live in..not the country...it goes on and on. SO...what did I do...I had to come up with a plan, make phone calls, go to LOTS of meetings, spend every-waking moment I'm at school TEACHING and RETEACHING until these kids "got it." Which led to me completing paperwork, online-training ( yes, teachers still go through trainings every year to keep up to speed with "the times") grading, lesson planning, replying to emails....all AT HOME.

So, there are only 24 hours in a day...minus my 9 work hours, 1 hour driving to and from work, 2 hrs. cooking, feeding Andrew, cleaning the kitchen, trying to keep my house clean/laundry, and sometimes throw in an hour workout now and then maybe 6 hours sleep...well, you see where this is going..."and...when do you see your HUSBAND?" Hmm...well, somewhere along the way I was a mommy/wife and now I'm a mommy/teacher...and now that my sister is living with me, I am now a mommy/teacher/sister/wife...OHHHH and FRIENDS! Yikes!! Where have I been when they needed me??? And and am I giving God the credit He deserves? I am a Christian and want to share my faith with other believers and be a faithful follower...but it sure is nice to catch up on sleep on Sunday mornings. Where has all this time gone the last 9 months?? OH Yea, I've been busy being a mommy/teacher/sister/wife and guess I completely forgot about those much needed parts of my life! :( Don't get me wrong, I still talk to some friends on the phone every once in a while, I will grab dinner with some of them occasionally, talk on FB pretty regularly...but man...I really think I have lost touch with a lot of my really great friends. And I admit....I'm at fault. And I went to church a few weekends ago with my sister and still pray almost every night and thank God for my wonderful baby boy, health, husband. But is it enough?

So as I'm driving home thinking about all the stuff I left at work due to the fact that Andrew had a doctor's apt. at 4:30 (and the doctor's office was 20 minutes away) and the TERRIBLE DAY I had, and how I need to be a better teacher, talk to the parents about problems I'm noticing, etc. etc....be a better wife by picking out the perfect valentine's present for my hubby and complaining to him less and less, and be a better friend by calling them and planning to meet up for lunch.....I end up missing my baby boy's doctor's appt. Now, I will say I ran into terrible, awful, no-good traffic as I was heading down 20 towards Dr. Raine's office....but I blamed myself and MY JOB on the fact that we weren't going to make it in time...and we didn't. :(  For the first time in a long time...can't even remember....I cried out loud....for a long time. And as I was crying, I kept thinking, "I'm being a terrible mother, crying in the car while I should be completely focused on the road! What if he was old enough to understand mommy's crying like a kid and looks silly." I must admit that it felt good to let it all out. And Andrew WAS fast asleep in the car and couldn't hear me. ;-)  But yea...I probably looked like a complete idiot. Anyway, it's been hard for me to find my place this year. I need a solution and I guess I just need time and practice. Hopefully one day I will nail all my roles down (or at least come to the realization that something's gotta give and I need to know how to "share myself.") I have a wonderful husband who helps out and has a lot of patience with me. I just worry I have lost him in all my "roles". I hope he understands that I am still trying to be a good wife by cooking, cleaning, doing things around the house. But sometimes all I want are more hours in the day. Who knows...it could happen. ;-)  Here's a little clip of my baby boy. It takes my computer way too long to load videos and I just now realized this was a short version of the one I wanted...but it's still adorable. :)

bronchiolitis

So, I had to venture out of the house today and not for good reason. My little Andrew has been coughing pretty badly the past few weeks. He went to the doctor on Martin Luther King Day due to coughing and not sleeping well and was diagnosed with an ear infection. Then he went back to the doctor last Thursday for his 9 month check up..I brought the coughing back up and the doctor said it would probably go away. Well.. the coughing  kept Andrew, Mommy, and Daddy up practically all night Wednesday, so that's when I decided something was up with my little man. So, we scheduled an appointment and went in today.

 I was a nervous wreck for two reasons: the ice on the roads and the fact that I was pretty sure something was wrong with my baby. I suspected rsv..but that test came back negative. They suggested a breathing treatment to see if it helped and came back to listen to his chest and diagnosed him with bronchiolitis.
  :( Basically, he probably DID have rsv which developed into bronchiolitis....which makes me sad that I have suspected something for weeks now, and it has now turned into something worse. Poor baby. We were sent home with a nebulizer to give him breathing treatments three times a day. That little contraption looks so high-tech that it makes me want to cry for my sugar bean. :( Things could be so much worse, but I can't help but feel very helpless and like I could have done something to prevent it. I know children get sick...I just don't want it to be MY baby boy. So now starts the journey of what parenting is all about: wanting so badly to magically take away the pain and never quite coming to the realization that you can't protect them from everything...sickness is inevitable.  So, please say some prayers for my poor, wheezing little Andrew. I will now leave you with not only some pictures of my one and only "skin-child" but some of my "fur-children" Sadie and Mali-cat (the Legacy Boxer Rescue people always refer to dogs/kids this way on emails). :) :)

 first lunch date with just Andrew and Mommy

Smile for the camera

He moved from where Todd is sitting to here within seconds

This was Mali's fav place to sleep, so I kept it there all December

Silly Animals...I still love them! They weren't completely forgotten ;-)

                                                     And yes, Sadie still sleeps in our bed :)

Winter Break??

Well, as it turns out, I ended up getting a very unexpected "Winter Break" this week....bad news is, I will probably be making up this "break" in its entirety when the sun is shining and summer should be in session..... :( Let's hope the district gets a waiver. On the bright side, I have spent the past 2 days (4 after this week), with my sweet angel, my hubby, and my sisteroo. I seriously feel more at east than I have felt in a while. It could be because with other breaks from school, it's highly anticipated, while this was out of the ordinary. I have also had this opportunity to blog not once, but TWICE in one week!! YAY! :) Maybe now I will keep up with it.

While I'm sitting at my computer, there are some things I'm currently pondering over: my job (when to start the search for a school closer to home), babies (and when to try for another little angel), and the possibility of staying home for a few years after our second. Financially, the thought of us losing my source of income is extremely scary. But if I do in fact move to a new school, that would mean finding new childcare for my little Andrew (no more Nanny Maria) :( :(  And if we want another baby in the near future, the cost of two kiddos in a daycare seems like a waste... If you read this, I would appreciate ANY advice I can get!! I don't know what it would be like to be a stay-at-home mom (or even if it's meant for me), but after these past few days at home with little man, I think I can handle it for 2 years. I just don't want to miss the milestones, the boo-boos that are going to happen, and the mysteries of how long he napped, how much he ate, and how active he was during the day. Of course, I can ask my Nanny these things....but I want to know the specifics. I want to experience them first-hand. 

I am extremely blessed for my baby Andrew, and I love him more than I thought I would ever love anyone. I know Todd and my life will be warmed even more when we have our second. I also know that Andrew will be a wonderful big brother (when that time comes). I just don't know how much "bigger" a brother I want Andrew to be....and I don't want to plan for it or against it, so I guess it should just happen...it's scary that I'm getting this out in writing, but I sure do feel better now. :) Until next time, those are my thoughts as of today. :) God is good, and I know all things will work out for the best!

These pants make me laugh!!

This was one of Todd's baby toys

With Nanny Karen

"What mom? Can't you see I'm playing?"

He loves tissue paper

And eating wrapping paper off gifts....:)

Holidays with Andrew

We had such a busy, memorable holiday season with our baby boy. It definitely gives Christmas a whole new meaning. Time spent with family was the best thing I got for Christmas. :) I know that sounds cliche, but it's the honest truth. Andrew's favorite things were wrapping paper, gift bags, and tissue paper. Oh the joyous, crinkle sound that paper creates. :)

As a result of ice, all schools in the metroplex were cancelled today. So, here I am at home, drinking coffee, watching The Invention of Lying with my sister while my baby boy is taking a little nap. Pure bliss. Being a teacher and Mommy sure has been a challenge this year, but I must say, I'm doing better than I expected. It's actually been a good lesson in time management. I have to leave at 5 (which might seem late, but is quite early for someone who used to stay at work until 6 sometimes 7), which means: prioritize. A new concept for me considering I'm the queen of wasting time. :) I also recall writing a blog stating I would not bring work home with me. Well, I wish I could say I kept that promise but some things are better done in the comfort of my own home with my son playing on the floor next to me. So, work does occasionally follow me home. One thing that keeps me going: summer off with my son. I am fortunate to have an occupation that enables me to have so many breaks from work to spend with Andrew. So even though my job can be challenging, exhausting, and even a bit depressing at times, I try to remind myself that I'm lucky to have my job. And I can only accomplish so much in a day. Being a teacher is a very important job, but being a Mommy is the most important job I could ever have. So, I vow to do the best I can, stay healthy, and remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, the most valuable thing in the world is family.

Andrew's First Thanksgiving

Family Photo

My silly little man

Andrew's First Thanksgiving

Andrew and Mommy at the mall

Family photo: Andrew's First Christmas

Andrew loves Grandpa Randy

Christmas at Grandma Dorothy's

wrapping paper...woo..hoo!

Andrew and Cole on Christmas morning

Great-grandad Sugar :)

What a good lookin' family